A month and a half in

Almost a month and a half in, I find time to write a few thoughts.  I realize you don’t know what a month and a half in means.  It means, a month and a half ago I followed God’s plan for my life and started working at the Church of Eleven22.  They tell me I am now “in ministry.”  What? Me?  No…I am just doing a job at a church…but they tell me that is ministry.  Since I started, I have been to a pool/hot tub baptism, attended numerous Staff meetings where worship and learning about the Gospel is the agenda, cried more than I have in the past few years…all because the Holy Spirit is in this place.  I am ‘present’ at home.  I am a new person.  I feel like the weight of the world is lifted off my shoulders, but then again a different weight is upon me.  But His weight comes with purpose. 

When hubby and I were considering the decision, it was with prayerful consideration and many nights crying by the campfire.  I knew this was God’s call on my life, I didn’t know, and still don’t know…why me…but I knew this was his nudge. 

God, do you realize I just got promoted to Director of Sales 4 months ago…this has been my career goal.  Do you realize the financial impact I now have on our family?  I could almost audibly hear him laughing at my pleas.  I even said to Seth one night…I just never want to put our family in (financial) jeopardy.  It was as if He gave him the words to speak…Don’t you feel like you are putting our family at more jeopardy now?  Being gone all the time.  Always stressed out.  Nights, weekends, trips.  He was right.

Talk about a leap of faith.  I still pray that He will give me strength, wisdom.  I try my hardest to give my fear of financial struggle up to Him.  Some days I am more successful than others in that arena.  The counter balance to trusting in Him to provide has been replaced with a peace that truly surpasses all understanding.  Sure there are still busy days.  Days one might even call stressful, but knowing that I am able to serve God on a daily basis, that I am deepening my relationship with Him, that I am able to spend more time with my family – my kids…my HUSBAND…is a gift that I couldn’t have even imagined the sweetness.

Thank you God for your plan.  That you have taught me to not be anxious, to not fear.  May I continue to walk with you, abide in you.  That even when “I” don’t have the answers, when I feel like my work is mundane, when I feel like my work is stressful, may you softly whisper…I’ve got this.  Amen.