A month and a half in

Almost a month and a half in, I find time to write a few thoughts.  I realize you don’t know what a month and a half in means.  It means, a month and a half ago I followed God’s plan for my life and started working at the Church of Eleven22.  They tell me I am now “in ministry.”  What? Me?  No…I am just doing a job at a church…but they tell me that is ministry.  Since I started, I have been to a pool/hot tub baptism, attended numerous Staff meetings where worship and learning about the Gospel is the agenda, cried more than I have in the past few years…all because the Holy Spirit is in this place.  I am ‘present’ at home.  I am a new person.  I feel like the weight of the world is lifted off my shoulders, but then again a different weight is upon me.  But His weight comes with purpose. 

When hubby and I were considering the decision, it was with prayerful consideration and many nights crying by the campfire.  I knew this was God’s call on my life, I didn’t know, and still don’t know…why me…but I knew this was his nudge. 

God, do you realize I just got promoted to Director of Sales 4 months ago…this has been my career goal.  Do you realize the financial impact I now have on our family?  I could almost audibly hear him laughing at my pleas.  I even said to Seth one night…I just never want to put our family in (financial) jeopardy.  It was as if He gave him the words to speak…Don’t you feel like you are putting our family at more jeopardy now?  Being gone all the time.  Always stressed out.  Nights, weekends, trips.  He was right.

Talk about a leap of faith.  I still pray that He will give me strength, wisdom.  I try my hardest to give my fear of financial struggle up to Him.  Some days I am more successful than others in that arena.  The counter balance to trusting in Him to provide has been replaced with a peace that truly surpasses all understanding.  Sure there are still busy days.  Days one might even call stressful, but knowing that I am able to serve God on a daily basis, that I am deepening my relationship with Him, that I am able to spend more time with my family – my kids…my HUSBAND…is a gift that I couldn’t have even imagined the sweetness.

Thank you God for your plan.  That you have taught me to not be anxious, to not fear.  May I continue to walk with you, abide in you.  That even when “I” don’t have the answers, when I feel like my work is mundane, when I feel like my work is stressful, may you softly whisper…I’ve got this.  Amen.

Sick Little Sunday

2 AM...crying..."mom, my forehead hurts."  Marley is in my room and feels like a properly heated oven ready for a turkey.  After an up-all-night kind of night, daddy left for church and the kids and I had a jammy day, sick little Sunday.

What happens when you have a sick little girl, who's temps have ranged from 102 - 104 all day, and pay little attention to your handsome boy with golden locks?

That's not dog hair on the floor.  Oh well, it was bound to happen one day.  Good thing he has enough to spare.  You can't really tell, the cut pieces are lost in all his layers, I hope he learned his lesson and doesn't keep up his wanna be stylist ways.

Five Minute Friday

Instead of complaining about how much I want to write…how sad I am that I am missing documenting the most precious time in our little tikes’ lives…how I think about writing all the time but never sit down to do it…I am just going to take 5 minutes today and rattle off {what I can remember} that is going on in our lives:

•         Marley has had some pretty severe Gastrointestinal issues.  We have had 20+ days of diarrhea, multiple accidents, an xray, blood work and appointment at the GI.  Dr’s say terms like Celiac Disease, Cystic Fibrosis, Encopresis…and on and on.  Next apt is Dec 11 to try to get this poor girl some relief.
• Marley and Merrick both recently read their first words!  By sounding them out all by themselves.  Marley – FUN & Merrick – POP (from Skippy John Jones)
• We are still working on Merrick potty training at night…oh never mind…we gave up on that again
• Daddy is rocking at work…oh and I recently got a promotion to Director of Sales (September 1^st)
•  If you ask the kids what their favorite thing to do is…they will say “FAMILY DAY!”  Family Day is a new thing we created due to our busy lives.  Family Day is a sacred day where we just spend time together…weather it’s special time with just the gawrls with the gawrls and boys with the boys or all together…the kids have come to love it and ask for it every weekend. 
• This year for Halloween the kids school celebrated “Community Helper Day” as opposed to Halloween.  The kids had to dress as a Community Helper so they were the most adorable police officers ever.  Since when does Halloween have to be politically correct.  That night they ditched the boring costumes for an Astronaut and Aurora J
  
  
  
  
•  Halloweena, the kids Halloween fairy, of course came to exchange their candy.  They woke up to a spidy mask, spidy flashlight and spidy toy and a pink purse doodle book and snap beads to make jewelry.  No missing yucky food-dye ridden candy at our house!!
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• That's all for now...hey at least I got something down on paper...don't judge :)
  
  

Beyond Babies

Hiyah!  Merrick yells to Marley as he holds tight to her backpack.  She trots around with Merrick tailing behind her like a horse and her rider, cute as buttons in their first day of school outfits. 

“Be ready to cry” everyone told me.  Why?  Why would I cry this year?   I mean, they were in school last year, why is this year any different?

We pulled in the parking lot, one little blonde kid holding tight to the other as they gallop through the parking lot into their new school…it was then that it hit me.  Not that they were in a new class, with new friends and a new teacher to get used to.  Even after Merrick’s accident last year, I wasn't concerned with disasters on the playground or bullies in the classroom.  Nope, what brought that all too familiar sting to my eyes, that all mothers understand, was knowing that throughout their entire life they would have each other.  They might not always get along, but they know the other one is there. 

It was obvious to me as we sat waiting on their new teacher to come get them, that we were now beyond babies…I have little-big kids now…big 4 year olds.

We are leaving the three’s behind…God Bless!  Don’t get me wrong, three was a pretty good age.

While you were three, you learned to pedal a tricycle.

You learned to make new friends on your own – at church and at school – and you would come home and tell me about each of them.

You learned to play with each other, not just fight over toys, but really play and create and imagine.

At three you learned to write your name and count to 20, you could each throw a big fat daddy tantrum and then curl up in my lap and give me a hug.

At three you took 3 hour naps and loved your teacher, Ms. Jayne in the Bears Class.

It’s been a few month’s now at your new school.  You are learning leaps and bounds over last year and every single day you make me proud with the school work you bring home.  I never went to Catholic School but your new school reminds me of what that would be like, Christian based but disciplined…which I like.

As we work through our Pre-K year, Merrick you continue to be sweet, thoughtful, caring, a good listener (at home) and many times easily enraged.  But just as quickly as you can pick up the remote and throw it, you can run across the room and hug me…full of love. 

We are working on your agro-ness as well as using our inside voice and being a good listener at school.  Merrick you really love to learn. 

When you are sent home with “Practice Pages” aka homework (I KNOW!  At 4 years old!) you can’t wait to do it and show me what you learned at school.

Marley you are all things princess and girly; driven, ambitious and often times irrationally irate.  At school it is reported that you are such a good listener and I wonder if I should put your teacher on payroll at home so we can experience that too. 

You still have these crazy phases where you are testy and sassy and then as quickly as it began you are the sweetest, amazing, extraordinary child in the world. 

You like to learn at school and want home to be fun/play time (I can’t blame you girl). It's funny because sometimes I think your stubbornness is getting in the way of you learning and then you will haul off and recite a Bible verse complete with Chapter and verse number or recite the pledge of allegiance when I had no idea you knew even knew it!  You continue to amaze me every day. 

In your 4 year old class you have learned to choose your own centers.  Marley you love housekeeping and Merrick you seem to like them all but say your favorite is cars.  

You have almost eliminated nap time simply due to your school schedule being from 1-4PM. 

You know full well how to write your name, and in lowercase letters – sorry mommy & daddy screwed you up teaching you to write in all caps like we do.

You can count to 30 and write sooo many letters and color in the lines.

You are memorizing bible verses and teaching other kids that they shouldn't eat food dye (wink).

Just when I think I have been as impressed as I can be for the week, you run off and recite something new that you learned and I am filled with happiness all over.

M&M, parenting is not easy.  You push me and try me and sometimes I want to just shake the sense into you.  I don’t claim to be doing everything right, but I will tell you what…when you work together, protect each other, comfort each other or just beeline it to the door when I walk in yelling how much you missed me, it reassures me that our family is perfect just the way it is.  As you move on to the next class and the next…the next phase of your life and the next, I promise to be your passionate cheerleader and love you fiercely.  You are both perfect, just the way God made you.

“For you created my inmost being, you knit me together in my mother’s womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” Psalm 139 13-14

Preschool | August 2013

Oh look, a blog post.  Really this was just a test to see if I still remembered my password to log onto this site…turns out I do J

I just couldn’t resist the urge to document the most cliché day in a mom’s life…the day she sends her little ones off to school.  Sure, it’s “pre”school, but it was a new school…oh wait…you don’t know that do you…let me start from the beginning. 

Do you ever take a step back to realize that your life might not be just about you?  That there is a bigger plan and every decision and life event that happens is part of this bigger plan?  I have never been super fond of the twin’s school (3yr old preschool).  But, one – they only went two days a week, and two – it was affordable for two at once.  I brought up the option of changing schools about two months ago to hubby and the idea was shot down like a dove during hunting season.  And so, I licked my wounds and went on with life, accepting that they would stay put for the next school year.  Again, about 2 weeks ago, something nudged me to bring it up again.  And again, bird down.  The school I wanted only offered VPK from 1-4:15PM, this wouldn’t work for any of our schedules, particularly Stephie Ts so again I licked my wounds and went on. 

At the TWO end of the year parties last week, not a single parent showed up to support their kids with the exception of hubs and I.  So sad.  Our kids were elated that we were there for them and I was glad too because it was mass chaos with 12 kids.  As I was leaving the party, Ms. Jayne said to me, “Their new class has 26 kids…I would just ask the teacher how she plans to break out the kids during class.” Seth and I walked out of the class and he knew what was coming before I even opened my mouth.  I poured out my concerns with conviction…don’t you want to meet other parents, to have our kids in a class with other families that are like us and support their kids, that we can make friends with?  And how are our kids ever going to learn with 26 other 4 year olds?  All they are going to learn is to be louder than the others to get attention…and our kids are loud enough already!!

“Fine, look into it.” 

“so you’re sayin’ there’s a chance!”  success! 
And so the fun began.  My super duper best friend took time out of her day to call all of the preschools in the area.  Since this was Thursday and school starts Monday…they were all booked.  I could get on waiting lists, but if ONE spot opened I would have to decide if I wanted it…but I needed TWO.  I called the school I really wanted before, my first option, just to see…knowing they would be booked as well.  “We have two openings, but that would change within 24 hours.”  I called Stephie T…she agreed to literally change her entire school schedule to accommodate theirs…love her, so thankful!!  It wasn’t a done deal yet.  Still a lot to do.

Friday morning as I drove to work I said this prayer, “God, you are in control.  Although I want this change and I think it will be best for them, I know your plan is bigger than any plan I can come up with.  This is an impossible task to get everything done today; may your will be done.”

I wish I could say I was at peace…but I wasn’t, I was a basket case.  I had the busiest, most hectic morning at work and then left at noon to see about trying to work this out.  I went to the School Board, re-registered them with the new school, made it to the new school, registered them there AND was able to bring the kids and show them their new diggs.  That night I was blown away, did this really happen?  Did I REALLY  get everything done?  I was filled with extreme joy and thankfulness and excitement for what may lie ahead for the twins this year.

You may be reading this thinking, so what’s the big deal, you got them in a new school.  But to me, this is so much more.  This is part of a bigger plan.  Maybe that’s why I didn’t cry as I sent them off into their classroom with a teacher I’ve never met yesterday.  Of course I had a sense of nostalgia, longing for the days that I would hold two little babies at once.  But as I watched them standing in line, holding hands, I knew…they have each other and they are going to be fine.

 

 

Cathedrals

I can barely open the door as I walk in from work; half drank coffee cup in hand, purse, lunch box, planner…all the while trying to keep my cell phone from meeting the ground for the 50^th time.  The kids, who were previously engaged in some other activity, immediately begin…”moooommm, can I have a snaaack?”  The door hasn’t even shut behind me.  You were perfectly fine, playing by yourselves seconds before I opened the door…why the moment I come in does your world fall apart?  

“You may have fruit or applesauce or raisins, but I am about to start dinner. “  Queue whining.    “But I want goldfish, but I want crackers, but I want chips…”  need I continue?

I kick my heels off and start right in on dinner, still in my suit or dress complete with those dreadful pantyhose, before these ravished children starve to death. “moooommm, I’m thirsty.”  “moooommm, I need to tell you something.”  “moooom, I can’t reach the markers.”  “mmmoooooommm can you get me a piece of paper.”  “mooooommm WATCH THIS.”

“CAN’T YOU SEE I AM TRYING TO MAKE DINNER?”

Some days I feel like all I do is help.  All I do is…do.  All I do is complete tasks demanded by two four year old dictators.  I read a blog post the other day that that mentioned grand Cathedrals in Europe.                How there are no records of their builders names, how the builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished, who made great sacrifices and expected no credit, and who’s passion was fueled by God and for God who’s eyes see it all.

It went on to say that it’s almost as if God is whispering, {my adlib} “I see you.  I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one else is around to see them.  No act of kindness, no already-past-bedtime story, no new menu or creative way to get someone to eat their veggies, no last minute errand… is too small for Me to see.  You are building a great Cathedral, but you can’t see what it will look like right now.  Keep up the good work, my good and faithful servant.”

It was as if God knew that I needed a pick me up.  As parents (dad’s included), we should take a step back from time to time to see that we are building something grand.  Does it mean that we won’t get weary?  No.  Does it mean that the 1,000 questions the moment we walk in the door won’t annoy us?  No.  To me it means that I am so fortunate to have been given the opportunity to work on God’s precious Cathedrals, my children.  That I am to diligently mold them and structure them so that they will eventually stand strong and beautiful in the eyes of an almighty God. 

Like those builders so many years ago, I don’t know if I am doing it right, but my hope is that one day the world might marvel at these beautiful, kind, giving individuals that have been molded by the sacrifices of a mom. 

Yes please...

Daddy out surfing, zucchini cupcakes in the oven, kids happily painting...yes please.  

Trying to pretend I don't have a pile of laundry to do and a house in desperate need of cleaning.

#enjoyingsundayafternoon